Masks

Don't be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks, and none of them are me.  Don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, and that I need no one.  But don't believe me.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear.  That's why I create a mask to hide behind, to shield me from the glance that knows, but such a glance is precisely my salvation.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love.  It's the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls.  I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing and that I'm just no good, and that you will see this and reject me.
And so begins the parade of masks...I idly chatter to you, I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm NOT saying.  I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and ME.  But you've got to help me.  You've got to hold out your hand, even when it's the last thing I seem to want.
Each time you're kind and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
with your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty.  It will not be easy for you.  The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.  But I'm told that love is stronger than walls, and in this lies my hope, my only hope.
Please try to beat down these walls with firm, but gentle, hands.  And don't give up - not even when I turn you down.
Who am I? You may wonder.  I am every man and every woman you meet.  I am YOU.
Masks: An Epilogue - Author Unknown


This was shared with me, along with the rest of the camp, from one of the Senior Counselors right before what we call "Voices".  Voices gives any of the counselors who are interested the opportunity to remove our masks, and to share a secret, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in front of a group of strangers.
I took this opportunity, although I was very scared and nervous going into it; when this was read aloud at the beginning it struck a place in me and gave me the courage to tell my story; the one that most people don't know.
I talked about the pressure to exceed others expectations, as well as your own, of never feeling good enough, feeling worthless, and ultimately depression.  It was very hard to share that part of my life that I dealt with for a few years because I loved being  the happy girl who had it all together (but hey no one's perfect).  But it was in that sharing that I was able to experience the beauty and love of vulnerability.  I was also able to end on a positive note of how I dealt with that, and how now - even though not everyday is perfect and I still push myself - that I have been able to face my problems and be genuinely happy again. 
I hope my story reached and impacted many of the students in the room.  But I also hope that this poem impacts and inspires those who have read it, and those who will, and can be their window and hope.